.

Last night I dreamed of Samantha

Who tore at my throat like a panther

Then she started to chew

My oesophagus too

And I don’t think I’ll try to romance her

.

Molly told me she was a mig welder

And I felt red-hot heat as I held her

She loved the bright arcs

And all of the sparks

But my gas-weld technique just repelled her

.

Sally drank a full bottle of whisky

Which made her feel fruity and frisky

She said she had time

If I had the rhyme

But the glint in her eye was too risky

.

I met Yasmin in old Istanbul

With her lips oh so luscious and full

She told me she cared

But I was too scared

‘Cos her Dad was called Yusuf-The-Bull

.

I fancied Colleen from Kilkenny

With beauty like hers there ain’t many

When I asked for a kiss

She said, “Give me a miss

I save all my loving for Jenny”

.