My reading of The Complete Works of Shakespeare was almost at an end. The book (only a paperback) had weighed in at 1250g, and the font was tiny, so this really felt like an achievement.

It was now so mauled-looking that Will had lost his face and both the bookmarks had broken necks.

But, after twenty-eight long weeks, all that were left were the Sonnets.

The Sonnets

These were a group of 154 poems, each fourteen lines long, in iambic pentameter. This means each line’s rhythm was da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM.
I thought this would be a breeze. I was wrong.

The first dozen were deceptively simple: they were directed at some total hottie, exhorting him to marry and have kids, pronto, because that way his beauty wouldn’t die with him. Our Will really pushed him on this, which was odd, as these were love poems and the undercurrent would then have been stop shagging me and find someone to marry.

Now, I’m no historian, but I’m fairly certain that gay couples using surrogates for sprogging wasn’t a thing then, but really, what do I know?

So, the poems were pootling along nicely – and then Will brought out the big guns, with no.18, ‘Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?’. Just a joyous celebration of his love.

And now he’d got the bit between his teeth there was no slowing him down. It was full-throttle, raw, honest, vulnerable, unabashed, tender, painful, helpless, overwhelming, searing, boundless and brittle emotion until the very last word.

There was nothing about love that he left unspoken.

And numbers 27-29 just broke me, so truly did they engage with my own grieving.
I mean, these lines alone – ‘But day doth daily draw my sorrows longer, and night doth nightly make grief’s strength seem stronger.’ I sobbed uncontrollably.

Two particular favourites: –

No.128, where he poured out the intensity of his desire to kiss the palm of his love’s hand.  But she was playing the piano, and he was jealous of the keys that she touched. Awwww.

And No.145, which described one heart-stopping moment of crushed dreams, between his love saying the words, ‘I hate’, and then saving him by adding, ‘not you.’ I know, right?

He just knew how to get to us, didn’t he, the bastard.

By now he’d moved on from the hot guy, and the duplicitous Dark Lady had became the subject. Cue the other famous one, no.130, ‘My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun.’ This was powerful shit, I kid you not.

And afterwards, after all 154, I was simply stunned.

So my final score is this: 10/10, especially if you read them in one hit.

Summary

I read this massive chunk of literature because I had the book lying around, and it seemed a cool thing to do.
And I also wondered what it would be like to read a play that I knew nothing about – without it first being interpreted for me by talented actors and a skilful director.

Reading any play is a different experience to seeing it performed, obvs.

And the trouble is our first encounter with Shakespeare is generally by way of the text. We get made to study them at school whether we have the slightest interest in them or not.

Is this the right way to do it? Maybe not, but I understand the need to introduce them to the Bard at a sentence-by-sentence pace.

Plus, there is the obvious fact that no one generally volunteers to take a snotty, bored, and screen-addicted 13 yr-old to see The Taming of the Shrew, just for shits and giggles. Let alone thirty of them.

So, for the text alone, this is how they measured up: –

The scores

In the top slot, all scoring 10/10, were Hamlet, Othello and the Sonnets.

Coming up close, with 9 and 8, were Much Ado about Nothing and Anthony and Cleopatra.

Very respectable 6’s and 7’s went to The Comedy of Errors, Romeo and Juliet, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, The Taming of the Shrew, Henry V, Twelfth Night, All’s Well that Ends Well, Coriolanus, Cymbeline and The Tempest.

These aren’t terrible, but only scored 4 or 5. Richard III, Two Gentlemen of Verona, The Merry Wives of Windsor, Julius Caesar, As You Like It, Measure for Measure, Macbeth, King Lear, Timon of Athens and Venus and Adonis.

Avoid like the plague, as they scraped 2’s an 3’s, are Henry VI parts 1, 2 and 3, The Merchant of Venice, Henry IV part 1, Troilus and Cressida, Pericles, A Winter’s Tale, A Lover’s Complaint and The Passionate Pilgrim.

Run, screaming, from the building before even thinking of reading Titus Andronicus, King John, Love’s Labours Lost, Richard II, Henry IV part 2, Henry VIII, Lucrece or The Phoenix and the Turtle. If anyone tries to force them on you, then understand that those people are evil and must be blocked immediately.

And that’s all, folks.

I’ve been asked to see what I make of The Duchess of Malfi. So set me challenges if you feel the urge. But the Kirk and the Spock are now retired, pending sellotape plaster casts to their necks.