I’d now encountered a few stand-out plays, in my great Shakespeare-reading marathon, so I felt quite buoyed up at the prospect of what was approaching. But then I was hit with this one.

11. King John

I’m not saying this was mind-numbingly boring, but I had insomnia that night, and reading this was the only thing that got me to sleep. Make of that what you will.

So, this play then. People fought, people died. Yeah, that was about it.

Constance (who was mother to the real heir to the throne) was fun for being really ranty. I’ve noticed that Will’s histories are peppered with outraged, middle-aged, women shouting down Kings that have been stupid enough to tell them to shut up.

But once she’d gone it wasn’t worth the paper.

It had a couple of characters called Bigot and Bastard, but even they didn’t help.
And guess what was NEVER mentioned? Yup, the Magna Carta.

Half/10 because Constance.

After Johnny boy, I approached the next play with high hopes but low expectations.

12. The Taming of the Shrew

At first sight this seemed to sit somewhere between Stockholm Syndrome and a misogynist’s wet dream. But actually, methinks not so.

Although Petruchio swanked into the story declaring himself happy to marry anyone as long as the money was good, there were plenty of other rich widows who could’ve filled the slot (just ask Hortensio about them).

Instead he picked Katherine, who was widely considered some kind of demon-spawn because she flatly refused to toady up to every bloke she met. Wow, what a bitch.

Her motto in life was ‘Why the fuck should I?’ and she’d back this up with a strong right-hander if the buggers tried anything.

Once married, our guy took on her tantrums, and then raised the stakes with levels of cray-cray no one had ever witnessed before.
The result? The most perfectly matched couple our Will had written so far.

And though it seemed as if Kate capitulated at the end, the smart money says it was all part of the game they were now playing together, as partners.

6/10

It was all going quite well, but then this.

13. King Richard II

Another play where some batshit king decided to play the game of thrones as if it was Russian roulette.

For once, nobody was after his crown. Nobody. Did he sit back, feeling smug, and enjoy that? Course not. He set about raising taxes, started a fight with Ireland, and basically did the opposite of everything he was advised to do.

Plus, he pissed-off, banished, and disinherited the only guy with more claim to the thrown than him, giving credence to the idea that this is where the phrase ‘dickhead’ originated.

I had a moment of hope when I came across Bushy, Bagot and Green (which sounded like a firm of solicitors, but are listed in the Dramatis Personae as ‘creatures to the king’), but even they couldn’t save this.

1/10

A couple more crap Kings were not my favourite day at the office.

But on the upside, Will seemed to be getting in his stride with this play-writing malarkey.

And the Kirk was celebrating because we were a third of the way through, which means we’d read 420g already (it was a big book).

And, unbeknownst to me, the Gods of literature were about to bless me, as a lot of inventive Elizabethan swearing was coming my way.