ema.cs

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I have reached THAT point in a womans life, the point when reason leaves the room and insanity enters. The point where all sound decisions have ceased to make sense and a strange sort of compulsion starts to take over. The point does not arrive gradually, oh no it's bold, unafraid to charge in. One day it's not there and the next - well the next it is. Smiling and laughing it has sneaked up behind you like a desperate date you're trying to escape and before you even know it... it has you.

The point, the victory filled point is caused by a whole myriad of reasons. A huge splash of hormones, a sprinkling of chemicals and an extremely large dash of stupidity all combine to turn even the smartest of women into whimsical idiots.
It is powerless to resist, pointless to deny. You can hear it, actually hear it as a strange sort of background music in your life.

Tick, tick, tick. Tock, tock, tock. Tick bloody tock.

It is, of course the biological clock.

For an average sort of woman it starts around thirty, some get it a bit earlier and some insist it never arrives. It is I have to say a massively unfair device. It takes no account of previous circumstances, gives no leeway for events that might already have occured. Take me for instance, I have Vix and Bear, have had them for years so you might suppose that the clock would bypass me, leave me be based on the fact I'm all mothered up. But no, oh no... like next doors cat that wont leave my bin bags alone (I'll get you you little f**&&&), it's snuck in and grabbed me and now like many a woman the world over I can hear it.

Tickety tickety bleeding tock.

Now there are three possible responses to the clock.

1, You ignore it and pretend it isn't there. You convince yourself that you can't hear its relentless beat. You busy yourself with other things, work, friends, fun, freedom - whatever it takes. After a while (when you're too old to conceive) it ceases it's noise and leave you in peace - maybe you'll have a few regrets, maybe you wont.

2, You accept the fact it has arrived, that biology has once again taken hold of you and unlike last time i.e. puberty you can take a bit of control back. You can choose whether or not to follow it's dictates and you can acknowledge the fact that it's all about the hormones nothing more.

3, You can turn into an idiot and convince yourself that you want a baby, you can tell yourself it's because you're in love, that you want to create new life with the man of your dreams. You pretend it is nothing at all to do with the clock. It's just coincidence.

Option 1 means no baby, options 2 and 3 means there probably will be. So where am I in terms of these? I'll tell you where, I unsuprisingly have gone down another route entirely. I have decided to ignore 1, 2 and 3 and create a 4.

I have created Pandora.

Basically I have accepted the clock, I have accepted that the little bugger has struck me down and taken ahold. I'm fully aware that my body is saying, 'Right Em this is it, let's be honest love times a ticking and if we're gonna do it now is the time.' I have realised a man is available who also wants 2 or 3 and that the girls are gagging for another sister... this has all added up in my head like a perfectly balanced equation and the result is Pandora.

Pan is my next child. She's out there at the moment waiting for me to get some backbone and bring her in. She's drifting around scoffing at the tick tock for me and waiting patiently until I'm ready to make her. Once I have Pan the clock will be silenced and I will have the fourth recruit to the house of burning bras.

Biology will have won once more but as is always the way when the ticking begins we'll both be victors.